H1N1 disease...

H1N1 disease is spreading in UPM. Good news for a short while that UPM is having a week of holiday. Is good news after all,right? But the bad news is we are not going to have any mid term semester break already.. ~Ouch~..that's bad. The holiday is like tangling in the middle of the semester. We just start sem not long ago and then now so fast mid term break already.

But it is still a good news for me. SO, I am back home after a day in Uni. If I knew earlier, I woould not even go back on Monday. Damn it! When I back on Mon, my class cancelled too. So DAMN IT! Then now, back for a day, back to home again...anyway, home sweet home is always the best of all.

Now, say about the choatic we have when we knew that uni is going to have a break for a week. First, I wasn't in Uni as I went out to have lunch with my friends. That time is about roughly almost 3pm already. Then my hp starts to beep and rings non stop. Friends keep calling and telling me the NOT-SO-TRUE news. That time, still do not have any news that we are going to have holiday. It was just gossips that was spreading around. Even tough, it was gossips, my friends and I were already so excited already. We were hoping that it was true. And the story continue.......

We were like so busy text-messaging all our friends asking them this and that...true or fake..then news come later saying that all Second College mates must back to college to attend an announcement that were going to announce by our principal....What's more?? heart pumping fast, cause we knew.......IS GOING TO HOLIDAY!

Then there goes us, quickly fasten up our pace and go back college...hear the announcement from our principal. Before she managed to finish up her sentence we already rush back to room, pack our belonging and go back...

And here I am, back home.........super duper uber good..

Unexplainable!!

Well, leave my blog untouch for a long time already. That is because I do not know what to scribble inside here. Sometimes when I have thing to write but the internet connection in my uni don't allowed me to do so. When I can enter here, my mind is blank.

After all my life is still the same. Not much different also. More or less the same only.

But my current feeling is really unexplainable. Is really a mix feeling. Is a feeling of anger, feeling of dissapointment, feeling of frus, feeling of sad and I AM DEFINETELY UNHAPPY!

I want to express out but I really no idea how to say it out. Really out of mind. And I am aren't sure where should I start to say. But somehow, I must stay CALM. If not I will stay crazy and I will gone flutter all the way. MUST STAY CALM and STEADY. Now only I know, I can't relax myself. I really can't. What's more when things happen. There isn't any smile but there will be a deep sad arch.

I wish things always go the same. I wish time will always stop at the moment when we happy. I wish I can cherish more each time. I wish I can appreciate more time. I wish not to argue. I wish not to start any fire on the head. I wish I can stay calm. I wish you are still mine....

There is too many wish but I am not sure will they comes thru? Will I still can have back what I wish and also I want.

I might not understand people well. I might not tolerate well with people. I might be angry for a small thing and I might even fight when I do not find things going on my way....BUT deep and cavernous in me I knew that I would not want things to go the wrong path. Sometimes I knew I am wrong but I would not know how to say sorry or am I be forgiven. I worried too much things that make me go flutter each time.

I do not want to run away from reality. I want to face it. I want to solve all kinds of problems. I want to live to the fullest. I want to be happy but I am not sure can I make it?? I really do not want to be like a tortoise that hide away or run away from problems but I am not sure whether I am good enough to handle every second things.

Lastly, things that happen is not what I wish for. I just hope for the best..hope everything will remain the same...everything goes well till the end. No changes and always the same.

I'm Going Back to Uni..

Oh NO!!

I am going back to uni in few hours time more. This is what I hate the most. Really can't imagine what will I be when I go back there. First, I will have a new roommate which I don't know who she will be. Secondly, my group of college peers have been shifted here and there and therefore to meet up with them is not an easy task. Thirdly, studies is going to resume back soon. SO HATE IT!

Oh...and not to forget I will meet back that bunch of fucking bitches. Those barbaric and idioctic people who got no sense one. They think they are great but to me they are only like a small ant or maybe just a pinch of dust. They are so moron and simple-minded.

Ok, enough of that. For conclusion, I just hate that. I am going back so I need to face the fact that I am going back.

I'm so Flutter!

ARGHHH!!!!!

I am so so so so so so ferment in almost everything now. I do not know why. I am having a mentally and physically disquiet, ferment, distention...then I willl finally end up doing lunatic things, act idiotic...and finally doing all those psycho movement. Lastly, people will send me go "RUMAH ORANG SAKIT JIWA" and I will spend my entire life time there...GREAT!

I am seriously going crazy soon if I still cannot control myself, my emotions and my feelings. I do not know why I am so easily tensed up nowdays. A simple little thing can enough to drive me crazy. Totally enough. I am easily tensed up over my work, my life, MONEY, and every second thing that I am going through now including friendship or any relationship. Really do not know how to deal and manage it. I am a FAILURE!

The only thing that I am success is that I can easily hide from people my emotions. No one exactly know how I felt but deep down that is a deep deep bruise...

That is I am still at home and going through the start of my journey and yet I am so tensed and giving me a high encumbrance. That not include my studies yet..my workload yet...DAMN IT!

I alway keep to this phrase :

"No pain, No gain. Accept the pain, future will be fruitful. Don't feel the work you are doing is pain...BECAUSE there will be always a reason for that pain or work. SO, face the pain for the pain you face. There will definitely happiness ahead and always.. "

But I am afraid, before I have the gain, before I accept the pain and before my future to be fruitful...I am already gone crazy. Seriously I will if continue like this.

I need remedy...I really need! I need to rest from a peaceful place...